You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
