my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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