At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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