So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
