just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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