is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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