i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
