Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
