We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
