Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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