I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
where are you?
Hypothermia
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
