This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.