matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.