I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused