some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?