perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
