I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.