Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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