no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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