My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
