The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
