So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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