i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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