they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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