Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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