remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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