You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
