I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
