Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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