I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
