i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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