so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
