dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
