Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
