dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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