they need to just BURY HIM!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
