btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
