i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
