so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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