Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
