I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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