if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this will be a night to untag.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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