Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
