the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Everclear isn't food dammit
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
