What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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