how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize