just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
