FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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