And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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