I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
