i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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