Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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