i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
