as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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