??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I enjoy the company of your penis
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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