She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
