I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
