It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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