I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
