We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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