I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
