Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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