He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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