I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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