My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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