Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
